i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
