Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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