shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
