remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
