Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
