Your tits are I can't wait for
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We are two peas in an std pod
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Randomize
