everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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