Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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