Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
