what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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