my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize