I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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