I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
