Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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