been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
