ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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