I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she woke up with a sticky ear
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
false alarm, still single
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
