Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
