RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
