so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
