So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
God, I missed his penis.
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