I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
