My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
