A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
