I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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