The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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