That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
