I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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