He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You dont lie about slip and slides
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
