You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
