its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
