Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
