Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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