I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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