i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
