I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
