omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
