wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
two words...techno handjob
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
