Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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