Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
