Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize