How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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