Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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