he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
