I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
