Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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