did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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