he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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