you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize