We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
