i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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