member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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