things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
