I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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