I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this hospital has no fireball
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
