i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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