hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
