She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
