"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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