Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
