I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
