She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't notice because vodka
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
