Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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