I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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