after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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