I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
