apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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